Author Topic: The Villains RP  (Read 17084 times)

Offline JA-394

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The Gatekeeper stepped to the side, allowing Ryder to smack into the viewport.

Offline Tyler294

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And that he did. And he further slid down the viewport leaving a trail of saliva and snot all the way until he reached the floor.

The still somehow not dead SE officer finally came back front and center and saluted the Gatekeeper.

"Splendid work my lord!" he leaned over to the side to look around GK at Ryder and the slimy window beyond, "Shall I call maintenance to clean this mess up?"

Offline JA-394

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The Gatekeeper looked at him.

"Yes. And take him planetside. Put him to the guillotine."

Offline Tyler294

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"We still use the guillotine, my lord?"

Offline JA-394

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"I have a telephone on this thing. If you do not have a guillotine, build one, and put him to it."

Offline Tyler294

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"As you wish my lord..." the officer acknowledged, before scampering off to find maintenance, and guillotine blueprints.

As one officer left, another arrived. This one wearing the patches of an SE Grand Admiral.

"This is outrageous!" the admiral, a lady of formerly high-standing in some formally existent culture that was now obviously part of the SE and didn't matter anymore, "My Lord, I shipped all my furniture to the bridge of my new flagship, and before my shuttle even leaves the spaceport, the vessel has already been destroyed! I certainly hope you intend to do something about this egregious act! The sofa was woven by the most skilled Fazabian Fa'neir Dragon artisons and had been in my family for a hundred and ninety-seven generations!"

« Last Edit: Nov 11 2016, 07:31 PM by Tyler294 »

Offline JA-394

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The Gatekeeper blinked.

Offline Tyler294

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"That's it? That's all the reaction I get from you my lord? Do you realize the INSURANCE costs from this disaster!? Why, it's practically enough to bankrupt SE Galactic! And here you are, on your invincible supership, that I got LOST on AGAIN, sitting around doing NOTHING about it!"

The Admiral, whose name was Aedan T. Arana, seemed to completely oblivious to the absolute mess on the bridge caused by Ryder's attempted brawlssassination. Also the two idiots GK had dispatched earlier were still lying around.

Offline JA-394

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"In rebuttal, SE Galactic has income from over a thousand star systems plus propaganda efforts. I think the economy can afford the hit. Second, have you considered that if you were on that ship with your prized sofa my Empire would be without its Grand Admiral? Third, insurance is a non-issue. This is a military matter, more along the lines of terrorism that needs to be handled. Again back to my point on the economy. And finally, I am standing. Not sitting."

Offline Tyler294

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"Oh, well that's tooooootally different. Sorry to bother you, my lord."

With a flawless about-face, the admiral marched off the bridge, just in time for officer guy to return with the maintenance crew who were carrying buckets and mops.

"Now clean up this mess!" officer guy commanded, pointing at the bridge.

The crew looked around at the charred walls, broken turrets, fallen catwalk, dirty windows, and ugly buffoons inhabiting the floor. Not to mention some rather toxic-smelling water and dozens of chaingun bullets and rocket pieces.

"Phew..." Maintenance Man 1 sighed, "And here I thought it was going to be a total disaster."

"Aye, I thought it was going to look like it did last Tuesday." Maintenance Man 2 added.

"Don't remind me." 1 growled.


« Last Edit: Jan 30 2017, 12:52 PM by Tyler294 »

Offline JA-394

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The Gatekeeper looked briefly around the bridge at the mess he had created this time, then made for the shuttle that was presumably still in one of the hangars. At least he hoped it was.

If it wasn't, he'd have to order SE Galactic to build a big-ass spaceport. Double-time.

Offline Tyler294

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As the Gatekeeper traveled back to the planet, security arrived to haul Heath Ryder away to the dungeons, also on the planet surface. Ryder was still in a daze for most of the trip, not coming out of it until he was already locked behind durasteel-cortosis compound alloy bars. Yes, the dungeon on Komm still used the classic metal bars instead of modern forcefields. But that was made okay by the fact that the steel bars were made out of ridiculously OP steel.

Ryder, now back to whatever passes for normal for him, paused a moment to take-in his surroundings. Outside the window he could see workers busily constructing a guillotine, obviously meant for him. Waiting for them to finish that would indeed be a grave mistake; he needed to act quickly. It was then that he noticed an anomaly: the jailer was a woman. Now in what universe in the history of all universes is the jailer ever a woman? Well, we had to try something unique right?

Ryder's plan was instantly hatched. He came over to the bars and immediately began attempting to seduce the lady-guard (we'll skim-over his idiotic come-ons for the sake of the non-existent audience's sanity). Finally, she grew sick of him and approached the cell.

"Can't you understand that what you're doing is NOT going to work on me? Why don't you just shut up already!" she snapped.

"I can't help that the stakes are unfair. If it were a woman in the cell and a man outside it would absolutely work every time!" Ryder lamented.

"That's such a tired troupe. There's no guarantee it'd work." the lady-guard retorted.

"Of course it would! It always does!" Ryder declared.

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does!"

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does and I will prove it to you!" Ryder cried.

"Fine! Show me!" the lady-guard growled.

"Okay, let's switch places here and you play the prisoner, I'll play the guard." the not-so-clever space jokey suggested.

"Hrmph... I'm telling you it won't work." the even-less-clever lady-guard replied, unlocking the cell and allowing Ryder out, then taking his place inside while giving him the keys.

Ryder pushed the door shut behind her, locked it, and put the key on his belt.

"Okay, now, seduce me." he goaded her.

And so the lady-guard began a series of equally inept and awkward seduction attempts. Ryder stood by, stroking his chin and analyzing her attempts as though he were pondering a complex math equation. As each attempt failed, the guard tried to one-up herself, until finally Ryder had enough.

"You know, I do believe you're right... it doesn't work every time." he admitted.

"See, I told you!" the lady-guard laughed victoriously.

"Yep, I am defeated." Ryder sighed, "You won this round, or you would have, except for one thing..."

"What's that?" the lady-guard asked.

"I'm HEEEEAAATTTHHH RRRYYYDDDEEER!" Ryder bellowed, before turning around and charging up the stairs and out of the dungeon.

The lady guard blinked in confusion a moment, then finally realized what just happened.

"DAMN IT HEATH!!!"

Offline JA-394

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The Gatekeeper landed in Komm's largest spaceport and briskly left his shuttle. He'd truthfully had just about enough of human inter-

"Lord Gatekeeper!"

Oh no.

A small, feeble, unimportant man that GK recognized after a moment as a butler of some sort was waving him over. The nerve.

"My Lord, a moment of your time if you would?"

The Gatekeeper glared at him.

"An unknown assailant broke into the palace today."

"Fascinating. I wonder how he did it."

"That isn't the point, my Lord."

The Gatekeeper's eyes flared up in anger.

"I WILL DECIDE WHAT THE POINT IS, FOOL!"

*Receptionist Desk - Outside the Hangar*

Officer 1: "Did you get your coffee today? You've been acting a little off."

Officer 2: "Eh."

Butler: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*EXPLOSION*

Officer 2: "I'm gonna go get some coffee."

Officer 1: "Yeah, I think it's lunch time anyway."


Offline Tyler294

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His daring escape successful, Heath Ryder returned to his (hidden) ship, which as one might expect, was a fast, sporty, and definitely OP for its size little ship. Luckily, the ship didn't look like the Millennium Falcon, unlike every other ship of it's classification. Reason? because this is the Mudara Galaxy dammit! Anyway, Ryder's ship was soon on its way away from Komm and toward a distant, long-forgotten but soon-to-be-remembered volcanic world in the more isolated corners of space.


***OBSIDIA MAGMUS - SECRET TERRORIST BASE***


Ryder touched down on the dark-colored landing pad built from rusty steel, concrete and even stone, and where only a few maintenance droids wandered about, hauling fuel back and forth and doing whatever it is that maintenance droids do. The space jockey strolled past them and toward the door which led into a hidden base, built into the side of a volcano. A small sliding panel on the door slide open, revealing a pair of eyes on the other side.

"What is the password?" the being to whom those eyes belonged growled from the inside.

"Swordfish!" Ryder declared confidently.

"Incorrect. That password is outdated." the being responded.

"What, why didn't anyone tell me!?" Ryder exclaimed.

"Incorrect." the being stated.

"But, I'm supposed to meet with your boss in fifteen minutes!" Ryder protested.

"Incorrect."

"You're making a mistake!"

"Incorrect."

"Damn you!"

"Correct. You may enter." the being replied, hauling open the heavy steel door, which creaked on it's hinges as it opened.

Ryder paused a moment, then just shrugged and accepted it and walked on in. Despite the stupidly archaic exterior, the interior of the base was much more top-of-the-line. The walls were smooth and shiny, albeit a bit dark, while lights and random panels dotted the corridors every so often. Ryder knew where to proceed to, and the few souls he came across in the hall paid him little mind. Soon he arrived at an office, where his contractor, a fellow called "Letter C" awaited him.

"Ah, Mr. Ryder, good to see you again." 'Letter C' greeted.

"I know, it's always good to see me." Ryder agreed.

"I take it you defeated the Gatekeeper, as per our agreement?" Letter C inquired.

"No. I destroyed two of Geeky-man's shiny toys, but he gave me the slip. But don't you worry, Heath Ryder always gets his mark!" Ryder replied.

Letter C looked a bit disappointed. Actually he looked very disappointed.

"You assured me you could take the Gatekeeper on and defeat him." he stated, "This news is... most unreassuring."

"I assure you, you can be assured that I will ensure that the Geeky-man's demise is assured." Ryder replied, "I just need to make a few requests of you."

Letter C glared at Ryder, then pushed the button on his desk intercom.

"This is Letter C, ask Letter B to meet me at my office." he stated into the device.

"Why do you use such odd codenames?" Ryder asked, "Wouldn't it be cooler to call yourselves "Number 1", "Number 2" and so on?"

"Oh, please... That's been done before!" Letter C dismissed it, then added defensively, "If there is anything AlphaOmega is not, it is unoriginal!"

"Oh, is that why you built you super secret base into a volcano?" Ryder asked in genuine curiosity.

"..."

Just then, the door opened and a green-skinned woman in country clothes stepped in.

"Ya'll called for Letter V?" she asked.

"NO! Not Letter V! Letter B!" Letter C roared.

"Oh, I reckon' he ain't available right noaw." Letter V shrugged.

"Curses!" Letter C grumbled, "Get out of here! I'll handle this myself then!"

Letter V shrugged again and left, but not before Ryder gave her a charming... or creepy... they're both oddly not far apart... wink.

"RYDER!" Letter C snapped.

"That's me!" Ryder replied.

"What is it you need to defeat the Gatekeper, already?" Letter C growled, "My superiors are not in a position to be patient while you dally around blowing up chrome cruisers! Answer me! What will it take for you to defeat the Gatekeeper!?"

Ryder stroked his chin, as though thinking about what it would take, despite the fact that he'd implied he knew just a moment before. Letter C just stood there fuming in silence as Ryder adopted several different thoughtful poses, even going so far as to put a foot on Letter C's desk for one particular pose. After a moment though, he put his hands to his sides, then raised one back up and pointed at the ceiling.

"I have just the thing... man!"

« Last Edit: Dec 04 2016, 09:36 AM by Tyler294 »

Offline JA-394

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While Heath (Grr) was out doing all of that, the Gatekeeper had taken it upon himself, as he was more of the Vader than the Palpatine, to investigate the breaking-in at his palace. He was curious as to how someone could do it, considering all the automated defenses.

But when he got there, with a security contractor, he was most disappointed.

"I was led to believe someone had broken in, not broken the palace..."

The Gatekeeper was referring to the front-facing wall being destroyed, several man-sized holes having been placed in it. The grounds were torn up, as though something had came from beneath, as well. Traffic was going by in the distance as per usual, used to this sort of thing.

"My Lord, I don't know what to say..." the contractor blurted out, "Your staff said it was minor damage..."

"The property damage does not concern me. I was looking forward to finding a breach in my defenses and skipping the Council meeting tonight."

"I... see."

"No. You do not."

The contractor braced.

POW!

... and went flying over the horizon.

« Last Edit: Dec 03 2016, 11:11 AM by JA-394 »

Offline Tyler294

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Not very long later, Heath Ryder was back on the road... or invisible spacelanes, as it were. His ship was so bloomin' fast, or maybe it's just that long-distance travel goes by remarkably fast in universes inspired by Jason and Deadmerit, that he was able to get to his destination within the same day as he visited AlphaOmega. In any case... as he came out of hyperspace, the greenish-yellow tinted world lie before him.

"There it is, Lotsagas... last known location of my intermediate objective." Ryder remarked.

Following the coordinates he'd been given by he associates, he touched down on some flat land between various pools of bubbling acid. Ryder stepped out, not even bothering to put on a gas mask to filter the toxic fumes as his OP hair did that for him. He then pulled out an paper map and examined it. Unfortunately, it quickly withered and wilted into an unrecognizable crisp thanks to the poisonous atmosphere.

"Hrmm... Well, I shall simply go... this way!" Ryder declared, proceeding off into the nauseating wilderness.

Offline JA-394

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Speaking of poison, the Gatekeeper had one last errand to do that day.

Attend the Council meeting previously alluded to.

Usually held in the Imperial Palace, the meeting had been relocated to the second-most important building on Komm - the capital building. Why the capital building was not the most important building? It symbolized democracy. And this was not a democracy.

As per usual for these meetings, the Gatekeeper entered the chamber dead last, much less animated than usual, kind of dragging his feet. He was a man of action, not words. Or he thought he was, anyway. And being in this run-down, rodent-infested pathetic excuse for a congress building was not ideal under any circumstances, except for a fight. But this was not a fight.

"Ah, there he is! Late again!" called out one of the councilmen upon seeing the Emperor stroll in.

"Why have we gathered in this abomination of a building?" another, transmitting from a distant world, demanded of the first.

"I blame the Fa'Neir Dragons, or whatever they are called. Those lizards need to be forced off this world," he replied.

"But why? They have been our Empire's allies for over a thousand -"

The Gatekeeper walked out the door.

"I am aware, Governor. But as we are gathered here we must discuss -"

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, mentlegen?" a man with a coat, cigar and top hat announced to the room, "Let this meeting officially commence!"

...

"Eh, where is Lord Gatekeeper?"

Offline Tyler294

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Ryder had been wandering the valleys and crevasses of Lotsagas for seemingly hours now, but had yet to see any sign of life. That is... until he came upon an actual roadsign with only one word upon it in big, bold but fading black letters:

LIFE

"Aha! I am on the right track!" Ryder declared victoriously, before continuing on past the sign.

He proceeded forward, his query no doubt nearer than ever. He had to stop every so often to ring the liquefied toxins out of his hair, before whipping it back into place. Soon, he came upon a cave in the rock face, which he paused in front of.

"Hmm... a cave. I shall attempt to draw out anyone within with some clever plays upon words." he mused, then began, "HALLO IN THERE! IT IS ME! HEAAAAAATHHHH RRRYYYYYDDDERRR! COME OUT SO WE MAY CHAT!"

Offline JA-394

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There was a rumble and a faint hiss, as out from the cave stepped a fire dragon.

Yes, you read that right. Fire Dragon.

It began snarling at Ryder, as though daring him to come closer.

Offline Tyler294

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Heath started at the dragon without any expression or reaction for almost a full minute. Finally, he extended his right hand and smiled.

"Hi! I'm Heath."

Offline JA-394

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The dragon snarled again, reached its head back and bellowed out a massive gust of fire...

And promptly exploded from the combustion, covering Heath with various parts of dragon.

Offline Tyler294

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Heath just stood there with an arm extended and a smile still on his face, as dragon blood and charred dragon chunks slowly dripped off his now soot-coated frontside. After a moment, he removed his glasses, revealing the totally pristine skin and eyes behind them, wiped off said glasses, then put them back on.

"Nice to meet you too, Dragon-man. That was a blast." he remarked with a nod at the crater in front of him, before moving on from the cave and going on his merry way once more.

Offline JA-394

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As Heath was going up the road he could hear a motorcycle revving in the distance and a distinct theme:

"I been everywhere, Man. I been everywhere, Man. Crossed the Deserts, bare Man. Breathed the Mountain air, Man..."

Before he had a chance to see who it was, the aforementioned motorcycle had run him down and disappeared, continuing on its way at a speed demon pace.

"Travelin' I had my share, Man. I been everywheeeeeere..."

Offline Tyler294

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Now with soot and dragon guts on his front, and a rather noticeable tire mark on his back, our resident Space Jockey didn't exactly look like such a hot shot anymore... Scorched? Sure. Burned? Sure. But hot? Nope.

"Sunday drivers." he muttered.

In any case, he had not choice but to continue onward.

And onward...

And onward...

Man this planet sucked...

Offline JA-394

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Eventually he came to another cave, and heard another rumble behind the rocks.