Quotes thread

[Garyn Dakari]

Here go your quotes. Probably quotes from Discord chats.

Or from people making political statements.

And maybe a movie quote or two. Pretty much anything goes, except RP quotes, which go over there.

[Garyn Dakari]

Tyler:
Good. Henceforth, ye shall be known as... The Freewoman of the Operation.
Congratulations.

Natalie:
I still prefer goddess
makes me feel much loftier, you know?
all heavenly

Tyler:
We have jetpacks in the armory downstairs.

Natalie:
that will help you peons reach my level

-Discord.

"It does seem that all Richards females have an unhealthy obsession with "proper" English"

-Tyler. _{(It wasn't just the females, I just gave up a long time ago.)}

Mercy:
And car trucks are called boots.

Natalie:
Trunks.
Not trucks. Trucks are called lorries.

Mercy:
typo

Tyler:
UNACCEPTABLE! BURN HER AT STAKE!

Mercy:
That could make me into a martyr and then where would you be?

Natalie:
Lynched by your disciples, perhaps?

Mercy:
I have disciples?!?

Tyler:
No, Natalie has the disciples. She's the "goddess" remember?

Natalie:
Indeed, I am so glad that you are finally getting used to the idea. I shall expect offerings next week.

-Discord.

[Tyler294]

Natalie: "Don't worry yourself, I shall be reincarnated after a century and a day in a new form."
Tyler: "Most likely a tax form. It'd be appropriate, given the wordiness."

-Discord Chat


Natalie: Well, anything would be better than the first time. A grocery list, if you can believe it. One with nary three items on it. So few words! It was intolerable. Fortunately, it was burned in a fire quickly and I was able to move on.
Tyler: "This grocery list has only three items on it! It is abominable! BURN IT!"
Natalie: Exactly, I see you understand my pain.

-Discord Chat

[Garyn Dakari]

Mercy:
What did she do to provoke your wrath?
Natalie:
She speaks with images rather than the sacred text, of course.
Tyler:
But images are the even more sacred means of communications that predate the word by millenia
Natalie:
Do not speak of that other goddess to me, whelp!
Tyler:
The TRUE conduit of the gods!
The original primordial gods, before the false usurpers.
Natalie:
Those crawling, slimy things had no panache, no flair! No means of conveying deep discussion or effervescent emotion!
Using an image for mere enhancement is tolerable, but not as a sole means of communication.
Bethany:
as i browse pinterest...

-Discord, indeed.

[Tyler294]

Elijah: Hey Jason can you hear me?
Jason: No
Elijah: yes
Jonathan: maybe?
Elijah: sort of
Jonathan: but not really
Elijah:  pretty much
Jonathan: yeah
Jason: Velociraptor
Elijah: ikr

-Discord

***

Bethany: "But you need bushes around your house so you can sneak around and hide behind them."
Tyler: "No, I need no bushes around my house so that nobody else can sneak around and hide behind them."
Bethany: *whispers to the side* "Jonathan, we've been had!"
Tyler: *looks around, sees no Jonathan*
Bethany: "..."
Tyler: "No Richards that size has a cloaking device!"

-Reasons why I don't want bushes around my house (RL)

[Garyn Dakari]

    I believe I was just called fat...

...

John: Alright, everyone guess when we're closing.
Oscar: Hm... Four-ten.
Jonathan: Four-oh-eight, and twenty six seconds.
John: You sure?
Jonathan: Positive.
John: How many milliseconds?
Jonathan: I don't count in milliseconds.
John: Shakes head in disappointment
John: Not good enough. Man, this is twenty-seventeen, get with it...
Jonathan: Twenty-seventeen and how many milliseconds?
John: ...
Oscar: Laughs
John: ...Damn, beat me at my own game.
Oscar: Jonathan...
Jonathan: Oscar...
Oscar: I like you.
Jonathan: I like you too, man.
John: Uhg, get a room you two, God...
Oscar: Laughs again
John: (At Oscar) He says that to everyone, it doesn't mean anything.
Jonathan: I've never said it to you.
John: ...
Oscar: OOoooh daaaaaaaaaaamn.
Other Coworker: Walks in What's going on?
Oscar: Watch out, Jonathan is on the ball today, there's no stopping him.

-John(Coworker), another coworker, Oscar(Boss), and myself at work.

[Tyler294]

Mercy: Elijah, where are my birds?
Elijah: in spaaaaace!
Mercy: Have you talked to Mom about this development?

-Discord

[Tyler294]

Tyler: So, how's Jason?
Jason: Somewhere between dead inside and dead outside.
Bethany: So you're dying in the doorway?

-Discord

[Tyler294]

Dredd: "Mega City Municiple Code, 213: Willfull destruction of property, that's two years. Code 310: Illegal possession of assault weapons, five years. Code 457: Resisting arrest, TWENTY years! And code 3613: The first degree murder of a Street Judge...
Gangster: "Let me guess, life." *draws his gun*
Dredd: *shoots first and kills him* "Death. Court's adjourned."

-(Judge Dredd)

***

"Emotions... there ought to be a law against them."

-Dredd (Judge Dredd)

***

Warden: So tell me, Rico, what is the meaning of life?
Rico: *Shoots the Warden* "It ends."

-A reasonable conclusion (Judge Dredd)

***

"Now who says politics is boring... "

-Rico, after murdering the whole council (Judge Dredd)

***

"Be kind and peaceful to each other. Eat recycled food. It's good for the environment and okay for you."

-Robotic Food Dispenser (Judge Dredd)


The whole movie was a treasure trove of humorous exchanges and quotes. Gotta love those silly 80s/90s action movies.


Jonathan: "It's like night of the living dead out here, plus Jason."
Jason: "Night of the living Jason is more like it."

-J&J (DB Minecraft Let's Play 4.5)

***

"SNEAK ATTACK! I'M BATMAN! SCREW YOU! You're dead."

-Jonathan attacking a distracted creeper

***

"If God had wanted you to have a natural face he would not have created LAVA!"

-Jonathan talking about Jason's face


"Steam wants my cell number. Two problems with that. I'm not in jail and I don't have a cell phone. I plan on doing neither of those things, so I guess I can't login to my account..."

-Jason (Discord)

[Rattler]

Rattler: BOW BEFORE TIKI GOD!
Rattler: BTW Marcus... Tiki God still has your corvette
Kal: i want it back
Rattler: Tiki God: Mine now. Also... um... had a lot of... er... Tiki Time in the back.
Kal: damn you
Rattler: Tiki God: Tiki Tiki
Nagata: Lol wtf did i just come back to
Rattler: Revenge of Tiki God?

-me and a couple friends on Star Trek Online

[Tyler294]

"Dying is rudamental."

-Jason (Discord)

[Tyler294]

Jason: "Your bed is a spy."
Tyler: "Don't make this weird, Jason."
Chris: "Your bed is French."
Tyler: "Don't make this even weirder, Chris."

-Voice Chat

[Tyler294]

Ed: "How are you this morning?"
Pete: "I am... *sigh* ...without bacon..."

-A couple people I overheard at work yesterday

[Rattler]

Angel: I don't know whether to Downvote that comment or Subscribe to it.
Jaden: This isn't Spacebook Angel.

-DB Legacies 3 scene "Poker Night in the Plains"

[Garyn Dakari]

The context: Josie Star(My character) and Captain Jake Chaos from Statefarm(Natalie's character) are riding through hell on the shoulders of a Freakin' Huge Demon that Jake befriended/seduced, toward his hell castle.

Josie: *Taps the Demon* Hey demon guy, do you have a portal in your castle?
Demon: *Doesn't respond*
Josie: Hey Jake, how did you communicate with him?
Jake: It's just our animal magnetism.
Josie: "...."
Jake: Also, I speak demon.

-Something Went Wrong, pen and paper RPG.

"Are cthulus like seahorses?"
"No, Emus."

-Out of context exchange.

"I'm going to pull my pants up, and start looting."

-Jake Chaos.

"If I suffocate in here, tell my family I love them. Half of them, anyway. Say the other half can go screw themselves, you know who you are."
-Myself, while taping stuff underneath a giant sheet of plastic.

[Garyn Dakari]

Jonathan: I'd really like to visit Germany someday. They've got some really beautiful-
Jonathan: Women?
Jonathan: -castles.
Jonathan: Oh.

-Jonathan and I. I'll let you try and figure out which is which.

"It's no fun if no one's getting murdered or raped!"

-Anna, out of context.

Karly: Why always shrooms?
Jonathan: Well, there's actually a pretty personal reason for that one. It goes back to my early childhood... you see, from a young age, I used to wander the woods at length contemplating life and such. I never really had any great ambitions, goals, or plans for my life, ultimately all I really ever wanted to be, was... a fun gi.
Karly: Wooooooooooooow.

-Classmate and myself.

Cameron: You can only use so many puns in a day, dude.
Karly: You don't know him!"

-Classmates.

Corey: Jonathan, do you have a love interest in your life?
Jonathan: I am married to my studies I'm afraid.
Corey: Nice! I've got one better, I'm married to nothing!
Matt: I'm married to Karly.
Corey: ShutupMatt nobody cares!

-People.

Jonathan: Can I try that sharktooth?
Corey: Sure. *Passes the drink*
Jonathan: *Sips.* Wow, that's got quite the bite to it.
Karly: You sunnovabitch.

-People.

Mom: Were you on a hot date?
Jonathan: Not exactly.
Mom: ?
Jonathan: I mean... *Shows picture of Other Jonathan* some people probably think he's hot, but I don't think he'd go for a guy like me.

-People.

Jason: You know what they say about second place: First place loser. I'm sure there's a way to work that into a pun, I just don't know how.
Jonathan: I'll let you know the second I think of one.

-VC.

"Jonathan you told me to not let me dreams just be dreams and I listened and now I've ruined everythiiiiiiing!"

-Mirriam.

Jonathan: It's hard to really think of someone as an adult before they're twenty five.
Karly: I feel like you've been twenty five since birth.
Jonathan: Is that a compliment?
Karly: No.

-People.

[Tyler294]

*while on the subject of Jason's father*
Bethany: "Did Obi-Wan ever tell you what happened to your father?"
*everyone laughs*
Tyler: "Well... did he?"
Jason: "He told me enough!"

-Discord

[Aeliss Novak]

5 Year Old Girl: *blowing bubbles* Woah, that bubble is as big as a bad word!
Me: How big is a bad word?
5 Year Old Girl: *points at her own butt*

To summarize, she blew a bigass bubble.

[Garyn Dakari]

Oswaldo: Major, if you kill that man I will hang you by the neck until dead."
Major: *Slowly puts gun back in holster*
John Ruth: That's the trouble with old men. You can push them down the stairs and say it was an accident but you can't just shoot them.

-The Hateful Eight.

[Tyler294]

"Everyone is dead and I have a sudden urge to play Minecraft."

-Elijah (Discord)

[Garyn Dakari]

Jonathan: Can you schedule me for Sunday as well? If I work Sunday, that'll be seven consecutive days, a first for this job.
Adriel: Bro, not even God works Sunday, go home.

-Exchange between me and a coordinator a couple days ago.

[Tyler294]

Jason: "Burn the light."
Tyler: "That's so... counter-productive. Yeah... that just... doesn't work. It's like trying to douse the darkness. It just won't work."
Jason: "Not with that attitude, it won't."

-Discord

[Tyler294]

Alexithymia: "Who's Ataraxy?"
Vielle: "I'll do you one better: where is Ataraxy?"
Tyler: "I'll do you one better! Why is Ataraxy?"
Vielle: "I understood that reference!"

-Other RP Website

***

Beth: "It's still better than George Clooney as Batman."
Tyler: "Well it's not hard to be better than George Clooney as Batman, but is George Clooney as Batman still a better Star Wars story than The Last Jedi?"
Beth: "Hmm... food for thought."

-Movie questions

[Tyler294]

Elijah: "Jason, I have a plan."
Jason: "What's your pan?"
Elijah: "The plan is pan."
Jason: "I like this pan."

-Jason and Elijah in TF2