Star Pirates: Buccaneers in Space - Deleted Scene - Crunch Time

[JA-394]

"Demand -"

HAX smacked Captain Walls across the cheek, which seemed to put him out of his reverie and back to normal... relatively.

"Stop laughing you miserable pile of human-alien!"

"... What? Who are these people? And why does that guy sound like a Croatian female? Also what's a Croatian?"

"Glee - It's good to have you back, Captain!"

[Tyler294]

Schultz stalked up to Walls and pulled him to his feet. He would have lifted him up by the collar too, but just getting Walls to his feet was a feat in and of itself.

"Did you just call me a woman?" Captain Schultz snarled.

"SCHUUUUULTZ!" Captain Obvious wailed, entering the room at that moment.

"Vas?" Schultz asked.

"Nothing, I was just stating your name since you were the first person I recognized in the room." came the reply.

"Grrr..."

"Oh yes, Captain Crunch is about to arrive on the bridge." Captain Obvious added.

"ACHTUNG!" Schultz bellowed, causing the other boarders to snap to attention as the captain of the customs vessel stepped onto the bridge.

Cpt. Crunch surveyed the bridge from one side to the other, breathing heavily and menacingly. Once he had made eye contact with every conscious person present...

He abruptly smiled and stepped toward Cpt. Walls.

"Wally! By God it's great to see you!" he declared joyously.

[Rattler]

"Now I feel like I'm missing something..." Claret sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

[JA-394]

Wally grinned from ear to fat ear.

"Captain Crunch, by jove, if I knew you were coming I'd have the place cleaned!"

A spark flew from Dr. Yankem's obliterated console.

"And refurbished."

[Tyler294]

"Ah, well, at least your ship has character, aye? Can't say the same for mine." Crunch replied, "Government job, all I could manage after we got kicked out of the academy."

Schultz looked bewildered and slightly horrified.

[JA-394]

"At least the pay is steady, eh? Don't need to worry about losing a month's wage or food over a dented bin or two," Wally said with a one-eyed glare at Marty.

If Droids could look horrified, HAX would be the definition right now.

[Tyler294]

"Captain Crunch, Captain Munnerlyn found illegal goods in ze cargo bay!" Schultz cut-in, "Zees men are smugglers!"

"Not so fast, draco!" Marty declared, pulling forth the ship's manifest from the many inner pockets of his overcoat, "This cargo is bound for Councilor Dresden! And I'm sure he'd be most displeased if it were to be seized by customs officials."

"Give me zat!" Schultz snapped, seizing the manifest and looking it over.

"Is all this true, Wally?" Crunch inquired.

[JA-394]

"Well we're definitely smugglers. As for the illegal part, nothing that I've personally seen. However, he's the Quartermaster."

Wally once again gestured at Marty.

"And he no longer is in possession of the ship's manifest for whatever reason."

"Threat - Unhand that document at once, human-alien scumbag!" HAX wagged a finger at Schultz.

[Tyler294]

"Zat droid is threatening me again!" Schultz protested.

"Just hand me back the manifest." Marty put his hand out, "I'm sure you've had enough time to see it is legit."

Schultz hesitated, but Crunch spoke up.

"Is the claim verified, Captain Schultz?"

"It iz. Ze document contains the councilor's seal and signature. But Captain, zat should not factor in to our decision! We cannot allow zis cargo to be shipped to ze councilor, no matter what hiz rank and privilege!" Schultz belted-out, "Ardannian Triangle Leaves are very toxic and ionizer panels are a banned weapon component!"

"Mr. Maroni, I was not informed of this cargo." Sharpe added, "As per the regulations, we should turn it over to the authorities."

"Are you mad!? We'll lose a fortune!" Marty protested.

"Wally, I hate to say it, but I can't simply let you deliver that cargo. If the councilor is trying to obtain it through back-door channels, it means he's probably involved in something I'd rather not see him successful in, would you?" Crunch said to Walls.

[JA-394]

Captain Walls did not respond immediately.

"I understand. Ah, the life of a smuggler. But what is going to happen to us when the good Councilor does not receive his shipment? Who is he going to blame? Who is he going to issue a warrant for? Certainly not you. He'll come after me and my crew."

Of course Wally was giving him the old college try, one that he'd probably heard a million times and one that Wally himself had given, both successfully and not, a few times before.

HAX tilted his head, staring at Schultz, slowly reaching for his waistline.

"Query - Permission... to... terminate...?"

[Tyler294]

"And if I let it go, we got a rich, illusive politician with experimental and potentially chemical weapons. I really wish you would have considered that before you took on this cargo, Wally." Crunch replied, "You kind of put me in a tough situation here."

"Hold it, will ya HAX?" Marty said.

[JA-394]

"You... make a good point, I suppose," Wally admitted.

HAX lowered his stance and became the latest in a long line of cast to glare at Marty.

[Tyler294]

"So... since I'm your friend, I can give you two options. Neither are great for either of us, but they are options nonetheless. Either I have you jettison the cargo into the nearest star, then we go our separate ways like nothing happened and hope we don't face the good councilor's retribution, or you help us try to set-up a sting operation to arrest him while he is in possession of said elicit goods, possibly having to face a private army in the process." Crunch sighed, pulling a small box of cereal out of his pocket, opening it and munching on handfuls of its contents.

"Oh, so die sooner or die later?" Marty responded sarcastically.

"Uh... do we have a say in this?" Jordan raised an uncertain and somewhat shaky hand. Not from fear mind you, she's still a little mentally unstable.

[Rattler]

Claret was shocked by all this as well.
"Wait a minute... we were just hired by smugglers who already had hot cargo?" she asked.

[Tyler294]

"Hey! It was for a government official! That made it semi-legit!" Marty protested.

"Ah! More people, perhaps they brought rum!" Savannah suddenly popped up the floor.

"But seriously, can we discuss this, captain?" Marty continued.

[JA-394]

"Make it fast. I think Crunch here already knows where this is going to lead, as do you," was the response.

[Rattler]

"More like they would take it away," Claret replied to Savannah. "Its the Fuzz."

[Tyler294]

Marty paused, turned toward Crunch, then reached into his pocket and produced a wad of money.

"How's about we make it worth your while to pretend you found nothing? We'll give you a cut of the profits after the fact in addition." he offered.

Crunch didn't have time to respond before Sharpe and Schultz both screamed something about trying to bribe an officer of the law or something to that effect. It was hard to tell what they each said since they were yelling over each-other.

"Aye, my vision is a bit fuzzy." Savannah agreed with Claret, "And the yelling is making me head fuzzy too."